•This troper asked his friend, an avid hiker if he ever got blisters on his feet. His response? "Hell no. Y'know why? I got Dr-Motherfucking-Scholls in these bitches. They're all rubber and shit, and they last like months. Shit, it's like walking on puffy clouds made of ice cream and orgasms when you got these things plastered in between your toes."
•So, 9th grade Speech class, we're playing Charades for some reason, except you can only do movie names. It's boys vs. girls. While discussing names, someone brings up Hancock. We laugh quietly and then we actually realize how hilarious it would be, so we put it as one of our names. The first name the girl got? Hancock. We saw her face when she read it, and when she symboled two syllables there were high-5s all around. She gives in and for the second syllable points at a boy, then at the 'area'. The boys side of the room just bursts out in laughter. We lost horribly, but it was damn worth it!
•I had recently been having a huge urge to re-watch Mulan, and after doing so had had all three musical numbers stuck in my head. During dinner I pointed this out, which led to a brief discussion (already typed it out five times today so I'm leaving you in the dark) involving Hugh Jackman, at which mom said "he's cute." Unfortunately, this broke my concentration, and I said "Great, you had to mention cuteness and now I'm thinking about that one guy who spent a good chunk of the movie shirtless." which was the truth, except the Shirtless Scene was only a few minutes. I was talking about Shang at the time, damn you my teenage hormones.... Anyway, dad said "he's a cartoon character" and trailing off with my head sinking into my hands, I muttered "Just because he's a cartoon character doesn't mean he can't be hot..."
•This guy in my history class was being a real asshole. The bell rang, and he decided to continue being an asshole as I trailed behind him in the hallway. Sleep-deprived, a little bit loopy and therefore in no mood to grin and bear it, I tossed my stuff on the ground and yelled at the top of my lungs, "TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER FORTY-NIIIIIIIINE!" while running headfirst at his midsection like a charging ram. He started to run backwards (rather than dodging sideways) and toppled down a flight of stairs before I could nail him. Cue a stairwell full of ensuing hilarity as the guy rolls into a very suprised and eventually pissed-off teacher
•During one of this troper's school plays last year, towards the end of the show, one of the characters said "Looks like once again, Smolder couldn't finish what he started." Cutting her off before she could finish the line, one of the technical crew—from the very back of the theater—calls out "That's what she said!" Cue the entire theater, all the actors offstage, and the actors ON stage laughing uproarously for at least five minutes.
•In my social studies class, someone mentioned seeing a news article about another teacher/student affair, and my teacher said something to the effect of "There's been a lot of those lately". In a totally deadpan tone I said "They must be in season", eliciting major laughs even from my stone-faced ex-CIA agent social studies teacher.
•This troper logged onto MSN after a hard day. My friend opened with a traditional greeting:
Friend: Penis.
Me: A million dollars.
Friend: What?
Me: Sorry, I thought we were talking about things we didn't have.
•This just happened to this Troper: He, his brother, and his sister were all eating some fast food. Sister was very angry at both of her brothers, and they kept taunting her until she burst out: "YOU GUYS JUST WANT TO TAUNT ME UNTIL I DIE AND YOU CAN TAKE MY FRIES!" This Troper and his brother started laughing uncontrollably.
•In eighth grade, this troper was a massive Backstreet Boys fan. One day, in homeroom, a boy started singing part of "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)", and when he got to the "am I sexual?" part, Troper sang back, in perfect key, "Helllll no." Cue the laughter of a classroom full of thirteen year olds, including the guy who was singing in question.
•This troper was once playing The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess with his little sister watching. During the wolf segment near the beginning of the game, I talked to one of the chickens in Ordon Village...to which my sister raised an eyebrow.
Sister: Wait...was the chicken just flirting with you?
(Awkward pause.)
This Troper: Link gets all the chicks.
◦When he was much younger, he was playing Super Mario 64 and came upon the courtyard where all the ghosts were floating around. In a loud voice he proclaimed, "LOOK AT ALL THE BOOS!" Which everyone within earshot mistook as "LOOK AT ALL THE BOOZE!"
•This troper was playing Super Smash Brothers with some guys in his college dorm, and threw a pokeball with a Moltres in it. This exchange occurred between two of the other players.
Zack: What the heck is that thing?
Andy: Touch it. It'll give you special powers.
*Jumps into the Moltres. Instant death.*
Zack: You bastard!
◦Same thing happened to this troper's sister in San Andreas:
This troper: Press Y, something cool will happen.
Sister: You just want me to kill myself.
This troper: No, why the hell would they put a suicide button in the game?
*Y button. Mile-high fall from military helicopter.*
Sister: I hate you.
◦Last, I was playing Super Smash Bros with my uncle. I was playing as Kirby, and used the swallow attack. He shouted "You ATE me! You bum!"
•This troper has a classmate who does not do so well under pressure.
Teacher: So, what can you tell me about this picture of the Founding Fathers? Student, can you tell us anything?
Student: (panicking) Uhhh...they're all wearing man-tights!
◦Which reminds me...
Student: "The Cold War was so called because, uuuh, it was very cold..."
Class: *everyone straights up, horrified*
Teacher: "It was a... weather thing...?"
Class: *Frantically shaking their heads*
Student: "...Yes?"
Class: *Collective facepalm*
•This editor managed one in Winter '07. My brother was in bed, and then, I slipped on a hideous mask and jumped out at him. Then, we were laughing about it the next day, and this happened.
Brother: So, when you jumped out with the mask, I was just like— (absolutely horrified) WAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!
Me: Hey, that was pretty good!
Brother: No, look over there! (points to the frozen pool, where I see that my puppy Daisy is walking on the ice!)
Me: WAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!
•This troper's middle brother has his moments.
Over dinner, age 10: "Dad, what's the difference in between a Protestant and a Prostitute?"
Then, age 12, he runs into the oldest brother's room with a mop, a hefty fellow who was laying on his stomach on his bed at the time. Middle brandishes the mop like a harpoon and howls: "BLOW ME DOWN, IT'S MOBY DICK!"
•This troper's own laughter inspires CMO Fs. There was one time back in high school when I was riding home on the bus. It was a foggy day so people were writing in the mist on the windows. The bus driver randomly yelled, "If you are writing in the fog on the windows, I WILL BE CHECKING FOR SPELLING!" This troper giggled. A small pause... then the rest of the bus burst into laughter
•At the beginning of the Twilight DVD (no, not that one; this one is from the year 1998) my mom was watching, while I was on the computer nearby and not paying much attention to anything else:
Mom: Hey, Reese Witherspoon's naked.
Me: (deadpan and very much female) Yeah, she's naked. Call me when there's a naked man
◦We were discussing Moby Dick after having had it assigned to us over the summer, and our teacher happened to ask what it was that Ishmael had lost after the crew had killed their first whale. The answer was fear, but we weren't very good at guessing and the answers just got sillier and sillier, until finally one of my classmates said (very loudly) "HIS PANTS!" The class never quite back under control after that...
◦Just last week he was gushing over an introduction paragraph someone had written for an essay. This teacher has a very specific format he likes us to use: starting with a broad idea and narrowing it down to the specific point(s) of the essay. One of the more...special...people in another class has named this diagram "The Underpants Diagram", because, well, that's how it tends to look when he diagrams it on the board. So, when said teacher was talking about this introduction paragraph, he said (rather loudly and with much random emphasis) "It's PERFECT! It starts up at the band, and goes down to the crotch! [Student], YOUR UNDERPANTS ARE PERFECT!!!" Did I mention the walls of our school are very thin, so everyone in the adjoining classroom likely heard all of this?
•This troper's brother was listening to a Backstreet Boy song on said troper's computer when this memorable conversation took place.
Me: Hey, change to metal or something.
Brother: *ignores*
Me: Geez, people would think you're girlier than I am.
Brother: Oh yeah? Well, you're manlier than I am—WAIT A MINUTE.
LOLZ!!!
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